Clown Shoes Eagle Claw Fist

Kung Fu is not Karate!

Beer Reviewed: Eagle Claw Fist Imperial Amber Ale

Style: Amber Ale

Brewery: Clown Shoes Beer, which was brewed at Mercury Brewing Company.

Discovery

This is my last review of a Clown Shoes beer for this arch, and I wanted to take a minute to acknowledge what is pretty obvious: these labels are so crazy that they’re driving me to think and write about issues and ideas that have nothing to do with beer. I hope that is at least a little entertaining, but let me know if you want me to go more in-depth on two-row malt or cascade hops. I can, but this is more fun!

So, this label reminds me of various self-defense related issues and ideas I’ve had over the years, and this is a perfect place to vent it. First is my problem with the Karate Kid. I loved the original movie with the perfect movie archetypes of the wise old mentor, the aran-esque antagonist and the hot, albeit slightly thick love interest. A perfect movie, I would proclaim. Now let’s compare the original with the remake a couple years back. The ideation, planning and execution of this steaming pile of shit was a failure from jumpstreet, and let me count the ways:

• Will Smith’s kid is not an actor, he’s the son of an actor, so stop buying roles for him to play. In the words of Daniel Tosh, throw Jazzy Jeff some work, I’m pretty sure he’s homeless.
• Jackie Chan is no Pat Morita. He’s not an actor, he’s not wise beyond his years and he’s just kind of irritating. When you see Pat Morita’s arch across  M.A.S.H., Happy Days and as Mr. Miyagi, as well as his tons of other roles, it staggers in comparison. On a similar note, you can’t have a Karate kid without John Kreese.
• Lastly and most importantly, Kung Fu is not Karate! Would it be so hard to get someone who is Japanese and not Chinese for the lead role? Is it all about the Asian box office? Is Jackie Chan the go-to Asian actor?

Must the great and influential movies of my youth be sullied by Will Smith’s desire to give his son a career, and Hollywood not understanding the differences in Karate, Kung Fu, Tae Kwon Do, Jujitsu and Vovinam Viet Vo Dao?

I need to drown my sadness, so let’s get onto the beer...

The Beer

Beer characteristics

Quantitative parameters of beer character

1. The brewery provides an IBU rating on the label of 100, but I will use The Hitchens Taste Scale, and rate this at +5. Interestingly, I was just reading about how humans can’t distinguish between IBU ratings above 60, I’d say this is just gratuitous as the higher IBU usually results in a dulling of the bitter flavor.
2. This label indicates this Amber Ale has a 8% Alc/vol. This seems a little high, and the taste is a little boozey, but it’s overshadowed by the bitterness.
3. The color is cloudy and amber, but maybe a little more brown than red. Relying on the handy SRM, I would put this at a 18.

Qualitative parameters of beer character

1. The aroma is bright and citrusy. It is reminiscent of Cascade hops, but their website indicates Simcoe, Centennial and Citra hops.
2. The flavor is ‘rounded’ if that makes sense. Strong hops, but not the brightness I typically like. It’s a little dulled by the strong hops.
3. The mouthfeel is likewise a bit dull. It’s back-of-the-throat flavors that just seem to hang around.
4. Carbonation is pretty strong. The initial pour generated a strong head and there is a steady stream coming up from the bottom of the glass.
5. The temperature should be colder. I don’t think you want this to open up in the warmer temperatures, but that’s just my tastes coming out.

Recommendation

I must admit this is not my favorite. The bright citrus nose would make an enjoyable amber ale, but the overly hoppiness seems to focus more on what they can do, rather than what they should do. I might keep looking at some of the other offerings from Clown Shoes.

- Enthusiast

Clown Shoes Brown Angel

Let’s Hear it for Sexual Chocolate.

Beer Reviewed: Brown Angel Brown Ale

Style: Double Brown Ale

Brewery: Clown Shoes Beer, which was brewed at Mercury Brewing Company.

Discovery

So there are times when the meaning behind the brewers beer names are obvious and evoke specific imagery that add to the enjoyment of the beer and provide some insight into where the brewer’s head is it. Poor grammar aside, this is not one of those times.

When I look at the picture on the label, read the description, and try to get a sense what they’re trying to do, I have to admit I come up a little short. I think they’re going for a 70’s style strong willed woman of color, perhaps like a character in a blacksploitation movie, so I’m going to go with that.

Most recently in my movie going experience, I would have to say that Beyonce’s role in the Austin Powers movie was the strongest recent example I have. She was sassy, sexy and beautiful. This is everything you want in a female protagonist and she executed it perfectly. too bad the movie was a piece of shit.

Another character and actress that fits into that genre that I was a fan of was Pam Grier’s performance in Foxy Brown. That was a much better movie and her performance was strong. Oddly, I’m a little young to have seen her earlier work during the time it originally came out, but her recreation of her character Coffy had depth and nuance that you probably didn’t see in the earlier 70’s era movies.

I could go on and on about Shaft, Superfly, Cleopatra Jones and I’m Gonna Git You Sucka, but instead I would suggest you just poke around at some great Pam Grier images and let’s get onto the beer...

The Beer

Beer characteristics

Quantitative parameters of beer character

1. For bitterness, the brewery provides an IBU rating of 40, but I will use The Hitchens Taste Scale, and rate this at about a -2 because of the sweetness.
2. This time the website and the label agree that this Ale has a 7% Alc/vol. This is typical for a craft beer, and I’m expecting something nicely balanced.
3. The color is very dark brown with a lovely tan head. Relying on the handy SRM, I would put this at a 20, which is consistent for a brown ale.

Qualitative parameters of beer character

1. The aroma is chocolatey. Not Sexual Chocolate, but a nice bitter cocoa.
2. The flavor is brighter than I was expecting, and the chocolate flavor is ever present.
3. The aftertaste is tingley and lively. I am surprised that such a dark ale is as bright as this ale.
4. The mouthfeel is bright, and a little hoppy. Considering the toastiness of this beer, the brightness is a bit noteworthy.
5. Carbonation is noticeable in that the head hung around long after the pour, but the beer is so dark, I can’t tell if there is ongoing bubbling. The brightness of the mouthfeel  suggests solid carbonation is lingering.
6. The temperature should be cold because it adds to the effervescence and I believe makes it more enjoyable.

Recommendation

I really like this beer. I was expecting a dark, heavy ale, but like the ladies I mentioned above, this beer is bright and sassy. Get some and maybe listen to the theme from Shaft on the way and I’m sure you’ll feel like a bad MFer!

- Enthusiast

Clown Shoes Lubrication

Let’s Do The Robot!

Beer Reviewed: American Black Ale

Style: Ale

Brewery: Clown Shoes Beer, which was brewed at Mercury Brewing Company.

Discovery

So, this beer is the next in a series of Clown Shoes beers. I admit I was drawn to it because I was interested in trying an American Black Ale, but also because of the label. Unlike my previous described hatred for clowns, I’m quite fond it robots.

Where to begin. When I was a child, my father helped me build a robot costume for halloween made out of cardboard, aluminum foil and a couple of lights. At the time, I had trouble with the suite. It was heavy, a bit tight in the wrong places and restricted my movements to the point where I could barely walk. Now, as an adult, I’m grateful for the time we spent together and I’ll consider that when I’m planning things with my own son.

I moved forward with my love for robots once I experienced Star Wars and embraced the Ernie and Bert of space travel, R2-D2 and C-3PO. This fondness has lasted to this day and they set the standard for hard working, yet sexually ambiguous androids.

[IMAGE WITHHELD BECAUSE DISNEY WILL SUE]

I’ve more recently enjoyed iRobots, the animated movie Robots, and Sam Waterston’s suggested robot insurance for when the metal ones come for you. That’s just good planning! When futurists give their predictions, it always includes artificially intelligent robots and I’m looking forward to the day when that vision is realized.

So I’m sure you’re wondering, are there any robots I’m not a fan of? Well, the robots in The Matrix were a little off-putting, and I’d find it hard to say nice things about the evil Terminators, but that’s a pretty short list. Those exceptions are like the Boston Marathon bombers, the exception of evil surrounded by a sea of goodness. And most fitting, that surviving bomber was defeated by a robot. Boom!

Now, how about a discussion about the beer!

The Beer

Beer characteristics

Quantitative parameters of beer character

1. For bitterness, I will use The Hitchens Taste Scale, and rate this at about a -3. It’s got nice sweetness with no noticeable bitterness.
2. This American Ale has a 6% Alc/vol, which is common for a crafty Ale. Strangely, the label above that I pulled of their website save 7%, but the label on the bottle says 6%. Maybe the 7% is an older version, but that’s something I haven’t seen before, keeping everything the same, but lowering the alcohol.
3. The color is a very dark and opaque, along the lines of a Porter. That bodes well for me because I’ve been enjoying porters. Using the SRM, I would put this at a 25.

Qualitative parameters of beer character

1. The aroma is sweet and malty. It has the toasty goodness that I enjoy. I might suggest this in front of a fire, but since it’s Spring, I’ll need to reflect more on the appropriate setting.
2. The flavor is toasty, chocolatey and malty. No bitterness at all.
3. The aftertaste is the toasty hops, and settles out quickly. There is no lingering around with this Ale as it gets you ready for a quick next sip.
4. With a  big gulp, the mouthfeel is tingly, which goes to show that there is some active effervescence, even if I can’t see it.
5. Carbonation is very present. The head was thick, and hung around for quite some time. Because the beer is opaque, I can’t tell if there is active bubbling going on. The head isn’t like Guinness, but more like the porters I’ve enjoyed.
6. The temperature is delicious cold, but opens up as it warms. I can see this being enjoyable over a wide range of temperatures.

Recommendation

I enjoyed this American Black Ale, and it shouldn’t be surprising, because this is really a Porter. It’s possible I didn’t know that American Black Ale is really Porter, but if that’s just some crazy marketing B.S., then I’d be sad, so I won’t keep thinking about it and just sit back and enjoy it. I suggest you do the same.

- Enthusiast

Clown Shoes - Muffin Top

Unsavory (The Beer Name)

Beer Reviewed: Muffin Top Belgian-style Tripel India Pale Ale

Style: IPA

Brewery: Clown Shoes Beer, which was brewed at Mercury Brewing Company.

Discovery

OK, so let’s get started on this whole clown thing. I don’t like them, and I’ve always hoped my son would dislike clowns as well. It isn’t a fear, even though I totally understand that phobia, but it’s more like a pattern of awful people being clowns, and the creepiness that comes with an adult male who likes to ‘entertain’ kids.

To prove my point even more strongly, let me introduce you to the disturbing and twisted clowns of Lladro, which I am certain will give you nightmares. They aren’t cute, they aren’t fun and they just plain suck!

Lastly, I feel the need to remind people of the most famous clown/serial killer. His name is John Wayne Gacy, and he is the most obvious reason clowns suck. He was convicted of murder and sexual assault of 33 young boys and men. Clowns are evil, but now on to the beer!

I was intrigued by the name of this brewery, given the obvious handicap of the reference to clowns. That said, the shoes are pretty funny and worthy of ridicule. The other thing that jumped out at me with this beer is the Belgian style. Over the last year I’ve come to realize I really enjoy Belgian Ales, and take every opportunity to give a new one a try.

The Beer

Beer characteristics

Quantitative parameters of beer character

1. I could find no International Bitterness Units (IBUs) listed anywhere, so of course I will use The Hitchens Taste Scale, which puts this at a +2 for the little bit of hoppiness that is present.
2. This Ale has a hearty 10% Alc/vol, which isn’t too uncommon for a big Belgian.
3. The color is a golden honey with cloudiness.: Using the SRM, I would put this at a 13, which is consistent with a double IPA.

Qualitative parameters of beer character

1. The aroma has a bright hoppy nose. I would guess cascade hops, because of the citrus flavor. The bottle says American Hops, so I’d be interested in which one(s).
2. The flavor, well Wow! It’s a strong, complex blend of citrus and hops. A great balance, with a slightly noticeable boozy taste, but not too bad.
3. The aftertaste is a continuation of the main citrus/hop flavor, but it slowly dissipates with the same balance and doesn’t get too bitter or too sweet.
4. Mouthfeel is bright and bubbly initially, but fades quickly. I wouldn’t call it a strong mouthfeel, but there are tingles around the tongue.
5. Carbonation The head on this beer immediately following the pour was pretty solid, and survived for quite a long time. Additionally, there was a stream of bubbles maintained throughout the glass.
6. The temperature should probably be cold because of the alcohol level, but I’ve let this get warm and it doesn’t seem to get too strong of alcohol.

Recommendation

I’m enjoying this beer, and I’ve forgotten about the whole clown thing. I’m not one for the labels, but I did chuckle a bit seeing the picture of two folks walking down the beach with Muffin Tops. Again, another unsavory idea that I believe this beer overcomes. Give it a try!

- Enthusiast

Holiday Drinking

I’ve Got Range!

So I wanted to take a minute to discuss one of my favorite drinking opportunities, and that’s the holidays. It isn’t important which one, Easter, Passover, Seder, Druid Spring Festival, they all have opportunities for consumption, and in my case, it’s usually beer.

This year, I had a chance to revisit a beer I’ve already reviewed, but have not been able to find in the stores. That’s the Traquair House Ale. It’s a delicious smoky ale that I believe is aged in oak barrels. Please take a look at the original review for more details.

I’ve enjoyed this beer the few times I’ve found it out at restaurants, and keep an ever vigilant eye out for the opportunity to purchase it in bulk. If I remember correctly, this pint bottle cost me around $16, so I’m extra motivated to find it at retail costs.

I don’t know if I would consider this a craft beer, but it’s delicious, complex and worthy of the price. I consider it a treat and not something I would drink on a daily basis. It’s nice to have a celebratory beer, not unlike champagne, which makes the event that much more special, like the holidays we just celebrated (or just witnessed others celebrating).

At the other extreme is a beer that I enjoy whenever I return to my hometown, Buffalo, NY.

I mention the specific town because of my beer of choice whenever I’m around, which is the lovely and ubiquitous Labbatt Blue.

I don’t love Labatt Blue, but it is my favorite beer to drink in Buffalo, which may not make sense. As I’ve mentioned before, sometimes the memories you have when drinking are more important, more powerful, and more enjoyable than the in-the-moment enjoyment of what you’re drinking. It isn’t a bad beer, like the green bottled Moslen Export, but it’s a pilsner and those typically aren’t my favorite.

I’ll enjoy it at home, with family and out eating wings. Yes, they’re called “wings” or the more formal “chicken wings”, not Buffalo Wings. That’s for people who don’t know any better, have never been to Duffs, or don’t know who Frank and Teresa are. In other words, people who don’t know shit about wings.

Alright, enough with my rant. Let’s get back to celebratory beers. I think those two are the strongest in my mind, but there are probably others. If I’m ever back at Anacone’s, I’d be sure to have Stroh’s Dark, if it’s still around. If I’m back in the dorms, I might have Old Milwaukee tall boys.

Wrap Up

To summarize, try to enjoy the event that bring you and your beer together. Don’t focus too much on the consumption, but rather the social lubricant and good times you’re having. If you aren’t having fun, and the evening typically ends in fights, then maybe you want to revisit your priorities and consider a 12-step program. That’s for you to decide, because as for me, it’s all good, go drink up and make some memories, no matter how hazey they might be.

Happy Holidays!

- Enthusiast